Neurobehavioral Results of the Somali Warlords: A PARODY


By Dr. Ali Said Faqi

We are privileged to present the results of a long study conducted by Dr. Ahmed Jamac alio ” (Nicknamed Dr. JINNI-INSI ), who is a leading scientist on Human behavior, particularly on the behavior of African Politicians. Dr. Jinni-INSI has just returned from West Africa ( Liberia ), where he presented his data at the 35 th International Neurobehavioral Annual Meeting . Dr. JINNI INSI’s presentation at the meeting was entitled: “ NEUROBEHVIORAL STUDY OF THE SOMALI POLITICIANS FOR THE LAST 15 YEARS”.

From his office in Mogadishu , we asked Dr. Jinni how he came up with studying this interesting subject matter. Dr. Jinni-INSI recalls in his days when he was young and practicing Psychiatry in Mogadishu , in late 1980’s. He said there was a growing interest of a very unique neurobehavioral syndrome among Somali politicians. But it was not until 1995, he said when he returned back to Mogadishu and started his research and that was when he found the problem deeply affecting all the Somali politicians and warlords across the country. Since he was the only Neuropathologist present in Somalia , he described, he was very fortunate to see all the politicians as his patients and was able to recruit them for his outstanding research.

Because of patient confidentiality, their names will not be released, but for the sake of fairness, Dr. Jinni-INSI assured us that his patients were from every corner of Somalia .

Dr. Jinni-INSI found that his patients remarkably showed similar neurobehavioral syndromes; these include, but not limited to:

1 Weakness
2 Vision disorders
3 Confusion
4 Amnesia and Memory problems
5 Speech impairment
6 Sleep disturbances
7 Fatigue
8 Nervousness and tension
9 Tendency to steal
10 Pathological liars

At the beginning of his research, he thought that his patients were exposed to environmental pollutants; he was almost convinced that this was related to chemicals dumped in the Somali shores by European multinational companies with the complicity of these same warlords.
Prior to blood collection, he tested the IQ of each of them and found that most of the warlords do have extremely low IQ. Some of their symptoms were very similar with individuals suffering cretinism and mental retardation, a pathological condition caused by severe deficiency of iodide.

Dr. Jinni-INSI began then collecting blood from his patients, but surprisingly the traces of chemicals found in their blood had no associations with the clinical syndromes they were manifesting.

After many months of consultations with renowned Neuropathologists around the warlord, he thought a virus infection is worthwhile examining. Amazingly, the results of the blood collected then revealed a neurotoxic virus, which he named QABIL or Clan VIRUS; scientifically classified as Killers Killus virus . A leading international virologist from German NAZI teaching Institute said this was the first time that such a neurotoxic virus was isolated. Dr. Schneider said he will be interested to see whether such a virus DNA could be isolated from the brains of German Nazi leaders.

After validating and quantifying the isolation method, Dr. Jinni-INSI, concentrated on identifying whether his patients have similar Clan virus or if there were some district or regional differences. Fascinatingly, his patients exhibited different antibodies, depending on their clan of origin and he labeled them as: DM standing for the clan virus affecting Digil/Mirifle warlords, HA for Hawiye warlords, DA for Darood , D for Dir, RX for Reer Xamar , and JW as the clan virus affecting Jareer-weyn warlords.

An IGAD research institute funded by the IPF has set up a special research unit composed of leading virologists in the region consisting of Dr. Yuveri Musevani , Dr. Meles Zenawi , Dr. Ismail Gelle , Dr. Hassan Bashir , Dr. Isias Afwerke and Dr. Kibaki to undertake a comprehensive study on this rare and ethnic-centered neurotoxic virus. Dr. Jinni-INSI, however, pointed out that these leading virologists will not conduct a transparent research; instead they will manipulate the data and generate a sham report which suits their agendas.

The details of Dr. Jinni- INSI’s findings will be presented in the next issue of the Journal of Mogadishu Neuropathology; however, we would like to summarize to our readers what Dr. Jinni-INSI has to say about a possible therapy, if there is any?

In his conversation with me, Dr. Jinni-INSI pointed out that this is a very unique virus, which only affects Somalis. The Clan virus, itself he exclaimed is produced by another virus, which he called JAAHIL Virus ( Ignorum Ignorus virus) . Treatment of the Clan virus would require a therapy that first targets the virus JAAHIL, and once JAAHIL virus is blocked the clan virus will not be able to develop and grow. Amazing!

He then suggested a cocktail of two medications called, AQOON ® and MIDNIMO ® as the best combination therapy. He specified that he has been using these two medications for his new patients; and believes that AQOON ® and MIDNIMO ® are mostly effective for the newly infected patients and the youngsters. He warned that a wrong dose of both medications could be detrimental. Higher and lower doses of AQOON ® & MIDNIMO ® are both dangerous; it is just like vitamin A therapy.

Because of the seriousness and the danger associated with carrying the Clan virus, I myself finally decided to give blood to the technical staff of Dr. JINNI-INSI to find out whether I was infected or not. Shockingly, the Doctor found that I was infected by a Clan virus exhibiting a D m antibody. He uttered it is a new form and he doesn’t yet know whether it is related to one of the antibodies so far isolated.

To conclude, Dr. Jinni-INSI is recommending a blood test for every one so the disease could be cured with the combination of AQOON ® and MIDNIMO ® medicines. For the older folks, however, the cocktail is unlikely to be effective because of their chronic exposure to the Clan Virus; therefore, they will continue suffering until further medications are discovered. A Gene therapy is the only option left for this generation, stressed out Dr. Jinni-INSI. In fact, clinical trials using a Gene medicine is being scheduled in Some Mogadishu clinics; however, the dilemma facing the project is that the Gene that will be used for the treatment was isolated from the Infidels. In a press release at Chester House in Nairobi Dr. Jinni-INSI made it clear that the world need to combat these viruses in order to achieve peace and stability in Somalia .

By: Dr. Ali Said Faqi

This article was first published in the year 2005